According to the Crystal Exarch, it’s time to seek out help from someone who clearly doesn’t want to help us. I sat down to do The Grand Adventure quest when I read a comment on my last post telling me my writing style implied I hated the game and didn’t care for the story.
Not going to lie; it was a little upsetting. I’ve played Final Fantasy XIV since 1.0 and have enjoyed every minute of it, through its worst and best times.
I wasn’t feeling great about it, but I did what anyone does when they’re feeling down about a negative comment: I went to social media for validation.
No wonder people turn to the internet when they’re feeling down. This validation stuff feels great (don’t actually do this for real-world issues).
I went down to the pier in Lakeland where the Crystal Exarch outlined his plan:
“We need to ask this person for help, but the only way to do that is to lay waste to their castle.”
I was so perplexed by this logic that I stood there until the light came out to make sure he could clearly see the expression on my face.
“So your plan… is to invade someone’s castle, beat up their pets, and then see if they want to help us?”
The expression on the Crystal Exarch’s face led me to believe this wasn’t a mission to help me acquire knowledge. This was a mission of vengeance. He knows he can be extra confident when you have the Warrior of Light by your side.
Even Alisaie knew there was more to this than meets the eye.
After another anime moment on the docks, it was time to enter The Grand Cosmos.
As soon as I entered, I turned my camera to look down a hallway with armor statues. If there’s anything I learned from Scooby-Doo or literally any piece of media that has these armor statues hanging around, it’s that they’ll come to life.
Yep, I called it.
I fought my way to the first boss who only had one real mechanic: avoid brooms.
There’s also a stack marker, but I can trust NPCs to gather up on me when it’s over my head instead of running away because they don’t know what a stack marker looks like by this point in the game.
After defeating the first boss, I ran out into the courtyard and got a feel for how massive this place was. However, big buildings aren’t enough to keep the Warrior of Light from rampaging through your crib and breaking your stuff, but I think the Crystal Exarch knew that. This wasn’t a mission for knowledge. This was a mission of vengeance!
At the end of the courtyard, I encountered Gardevoir.
She also didn’t have any real difficult mechanics.
At one point, she dropped seeds everywhere. I noticed the trusts picked them up and dropped them away from her? I just played “monkey see, monkey do” with this mechanic without learning a thing. All I know is we did it right.
We continued Crystal Exarch’s Quest For Violence as we slaughtered piggies and ran a train through The Grand Cosmos.
Oh, look, a large room with no enemies and only paintings. I should be safe here, right? Surely, enemies won’t appear from these paintings; that would be too cliche.
At least one of them has a cool name: “Ser Mothbert.”
Imagine: “It is I, Ser Mothbert, of the high house of Mothbert.”
After ruining the art room, there’s a large ballroom you enter. It’s like the ballroom at the end of the Beauty and The Beast movie, but the bad ending where the Beast was not redeemed and murdered everyone anyway.
Pay attention to the dialogue here. Alisaie trolls Alphinaud here. Actually, she was trolling him the whole dungeon. Scared of ghosts AND a bad swimmer? That’s a quality man right there, ladies.
I finally made it to the last boss room.
I took a look around the room first before engaging and noticed a piano and some drapery. I figured there was a gimmick involved and lowkey hoped I could play the piano or hide behind the curtains like a kid trying to hide from their parents.
But no, they just get set on fire. Sad.
The mechanics for this fight were easy enough. It’s like they handhold us through some fights with these ability names. “Scorching Left?” Really?
No, you know what, I don’t trust these directions after the whole “Larboard” incident during the Omega raids. I went to Google to search for “Larboard” and found out it was a real nautical term until they were so confused by it that they changed it to port. That means, Square Enix purposely used the old term to confuse us because they know we’re all masochists.
The only mechanic that confused me the first couple of times was this mechanic with the bug primal swords. I honestly don’t remember his name right now; all I know is he had a cool German song. I was taking vuln stacks from this mechanic, but the one time I turned away was when I didn’t. I guess that’s what I had to do? Correct me if I’m wrong.
After defeating the final boss, the floating Jawa told me how impressed they were with how I murdered their pets.
It transformed into a Nu Mou with anxiety.
After displaying obvious symptoms of agoraphobia, we find out why it was reluctant to help us.
Something they did in the past with the knowledge they had caused unspeakable horrors, but what could they be?
I Wasn’t Emotionally Ready For The End Of Final Fantasy XIV 5.0
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The Anxiety Over A Final Fantasy XIV 6.0 Announcement
Today I Learned: Seymour Is Not A Respected Final Fantasy Villain
Final Fantasy XIV Journal: Entry One
Final Fantasy XIV Journal: Entry Two
Final Fantasy XIV: Shaken Resolve
Final Fantasy XIV: A Welcome Guest
Final Fantasy XIV: Fortune Favors The Bole