It’s been some time since I’ve played The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion. I believe I played it for the Xbox 360 or PlayStation 3. I honestly don’t remember. After stepping onto the shores of Morrowind and yeeting myself right back out and ending up in prison, I was tasked to make a young Bryan Havoc.
I remember the character creation at the time being the next best thing since sliced bread. Of course, that was me looking back through rose-colored glasses. Now, I’m wondering how I managed to take my pure potato of an Imperial seriously. For some reason, I always play an Imperial (or any human race in games with multiple races). The Elder Scrolls have cats and lizards. Other games have aliens or robots, but for me, I only play humans because I am more vanilla than Vanilla Ice.
After the emperor (who is clearly voiced by Patrick Stewart without me looking it up) told me it was my destiny to be in this jail cell, they opened up a whole underground escape dungeon. Yes, it was my destiny to be here. I could have been in Morrowind, but I decided to jump right back onto the boat. Maybe that’s why I ended up in prison?
Look, I like Patrick Stewart, so I’ll do my best to help. You might tell me this doesn’t concern me, but it does concern me. Patrick Stewart is an international icon.
That’s why, as soon as some red hooded fellows jumped out to try and attack Patrick Stewart, I jumped into action. His bodyguards might have cool-looking armor and swords, but I have my wits about me. Unfortunately, there wasn’t enough on my resume to have me help Patrick Stewart through the rest of their adventure, so I went back to fighting rats.
It took an embarrassing amount of time, and some Google searches to remember how to navigate through the menu’s interface to finally equip some armor and weapons I found off of a dead guy.
Now, Bryan Havoc can officially begin his adventure as Oblivion’s best bard, but I don’t remember bards looking like knights. If I’m going to truly get into the lore of The Elder Scrolls through these games, I need to get my headcanon straight.
For now, I’ll roll logs onto unsuspecting goblins.